That she used to get off with all the lovely heterosexual kittens confused in the night.

That she would turn wild like a beast, and the ladies loved it.

That the next day, waking next to some unknown woman, feeling awful, she would take flight before they awoke.

That she was always very drunk.

That almost always she would give a false name and telephone number.

That when she met the woman from another planet she was more confused than ever and that she followed her around the world because she was completely mixed up.

That it was positive because she stopped drinking.

That while all this was happening her relationship with Ella Lynch was degenerating in a snow-ball effect and that sometimes when she came home drunk, she would hit her.

That Ella Lynch would hit her back, and the following day they would make up and the following day there would be another row.

That those days were so absurd because everyone was in love with those who were in love with others and all the more absurd because a network of relationships meant that all these people knew each other by hearsay without ever meeting.

That this whole mess had nothing to do with love but it didn’t matter.

That the time came when colours became heavier and overwhelming and then everything seemed a grotesque caricature.

That it was when she stopped drinking that everything became definitively blurred and that it took a long time for things to become focused.

That she decided to change, and she changed.

That women’s soul had never interested her, only their bodies.

That when Ella Lynch swallowed the bottle of mercury, she had already decided to spend her whole life at her side.

That she was at the point of disconnecting all the drips connected to the body of Ella Lynch to stop her suffering.

That no-one knows who disconnected the drips.

Re-winding a little, she remembers:

That above all she wanted to be a man.

That she did not want this body which did not belong to her.

That she did not want those parts she imagined to be an error.

That as a child she would be asked – are you a boy or a girl?

That she would answer – you want an arm-wrestle?

That she always won on her street because she was stronger than them, and her beardless muscles were of stone.

That she was full of macho shit; that she was more macho than macho because she believed that was being a man.

That not accepting her woman’s body hurt her on the inside but she did not want to recognise it.

That the alcohol protected her from herself.

The woman from another planet remembers:

That suddenly she found a mission to accomplish on earth.

That she could reveal nothing about her mission, nor her past.

That she discovered the existence of something unique and un-repeatable in every human being to be safeguarded.

That the first time she saw Elle she did not know if she was a man or a woman.

That her androgyny was fascinating.

That the second time she saw her it was extraordinary because Elle had searched the world through until she found her.

That she was enchanted by Elle because she behaved like the great psychopaths in the movies.

That she was impressed that Elle would catch a number of aeroplanes in order to show up at her door and say she loved her.

That when she met Ella Lynch she appeared fascinating.

That probably she was in love with Ella Lynch though she would make out with Elle.

That there was something hypnotic in Ella Lynch.

That Elle would always answer the telephone and it seemed Ella Lynch w as willingly sequestered.

That when they decided to cloister themselves and pass from a world which was not their world, they intrigued her still more.

That she fell into madness.

That she became happy when they called her and they talked for ages.

That their telephone was cut off on account of that transatlantic call.

That she had to flee for the fear of falling anew into madness.

That when Ella Lynch swallowed the bottle of mercury she prayed every night so she would recuperate.

That she was in another country and sometimes thought Ella Lynch had died all the same and she would weep.

That she wished that wherever she was, Ella Lynch inhabited a sheltered space.

That impossible messes are impossible because perspective clarifies some things and we have only one life and sometimes the mess can only exist on the level of an ephemeral mental empathy.

That in time all that was tenderness has become ambivalence.

That it was all a violent initiation rite to get into this planet.

That since then she ceased gradually to be interested in impossible people.

Ella Lynch remembers:

That she was probably suffering the secondary effects of something she did not recall.

That she did not know how to live her life.

That relationships with other people had brought her to pain and to solitude.

That sometimes fragility stopped her going onto the street.

That she wished to break away from the pandemonium and human pettiness and would then reproach herself for arrogance.

That silence appeared to her the only coherent way of living in an oversaturated world.

That, in love with a war correspondent, she would listen to the news he covered seeking some complicity.

That Elle offered up her bondage.

That Elle did all the house work, shopping, and took charge of the whole practical side of their lives.

That the woman from another planet appeared just when everyone had abandoned them as impossible.

That the woman from another planet took a lot of photographs.

That she did not like the coldness of the woman from another planet because it reminded her of her own coldness.

That she seduced the woman from another planet in order to complicate things.

That the woman from another planet gave her a necklace of pale candies and little by little it was decaying.

That she discovered in Elle an innocence which Elle had been determined to hide beneath an endless brutality.

That she did not want to live in a world that was not her world.

That Elle had covered her when she was cold: immensely cold.

That she spoke to the soul which Elle had buried under the weight of the world and this soul replied.

That no-one before had spoken to her soul.

That Elle felt the desire to be light as a sigh.

That she tried to convince her to take the mercury together but in the end she said nothing.

That she preferred a stomach-pump to a brain-wash.

That when Elle disconnected the drips she thought Elle was a saint.

That an Indian nurse reconnected everything until the machines stopped squealing.

That since she has been in a coma she feels more relaxed.

That Elle still visits her and sometimes says: do you remember?